Update on me.

What has happened to me recently?  Well i was too heartbrokened to update this blog.  What happened was a long story and i am going to tell you part of it.

We were a perfect couple together with no third-party and we were already on our 2/3rd month together. Everything was perfect until a guy went to took her away from me. She started 2 timing me with him as priority. Until one day she told me that we cannot be together anymore as her heart is being captured by him. All the things i have done with her all vanished. Well thats only the first. After a week she came back to me, apologised and we go back tgt again. During our 3rd month, 1 day before our 4th monthsary, We broke up. AGAIN this time was more worse the before. I was already having depression and this made be blown into a much more severe depression. I suffered that until now. But just yesterday, she saw me at Century square, Hugged me from behind and told me this: "Rauf, I love you. Can we be together again? I broke up with him and i found out that you are the only one that i love. Please? I am sorry about the things that happened last time. Can you forgive me?"  At that time i was shocked and speechless. i slowly let go of her hands off me and said: " I will think about it."  And now i have no idea if i should go back to her or not :x i dont want to get hurt again. I love her but i cant trust her again... Sigh..

I have also been busy lately with projects, events and stuffs. I think thats all i have for now. Update later.

Love, Rauf
-Forever&Always <3

Can we be like this lovely couple?

I love you with all i had....

I just want be able to trust you again.

Second chances are there but not to take granted. 

Read more »

Something about love

Here is something about love where everyone should know. Love is not about being in relationship status with the one that you like the most. Love is about cherishing and keeping the love for someone as long as you can without having any 3rd-person. Love can be classified in many ways. Love can also be expressed in many ways but i am going to talk about what love means to me. In dictionary.com, the definition of love is:   a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.   To me love is about loving someone till you cant even love that person more. But its impossible to measure love. To me, you dont have to show your love by being into relationship with that special him/her. However, different people have different definition of love. And as humans, people make mistakes in love. Cherish that special someone as long as you can, if not, FOREVER.

Read more »

Something about love

What is love? I don't know actually. I have never tasted or felt love before. To me being loved is absolute heaven. So far in my whole 17+ years i have been in this earth, i have never been loved before. Not even once. Not even people close to me. Sigh. I really want to know how is it to feel loved. You asked if i have been in a relationship before. The answer is Nope. I have never been in a relationships before. I cant seem to be in a relationship. I tried so hard to be into one but  i would end up being rejected. I dont know why is it that people are able to get into a relationship easily.  I just dont understand. I have given up trying to be into relationship. It only hurts me more and more. I am not desperate or anything. But i only want to have a taste of what is it like to be in a relationships. Sigh. I dont know if i should give myself 1 more chance. I dont know... Someone please help me.. :(

Read more »

I cant believe it..

Sigh. What is April to me? Well its fucking hell! I cant tell where to start? its just that everything i do is not even correct. I am often left out, being used countless times, being backstabbed, betrayed and being hurt. I know some people would often see me as a gangster and all but seriously, I am not a freaking gangster! You understand? Sigh... First being used. I know that i am kind and all but dont take my kindness for granted. You used me for your own selfish needs! You lied to me. Used me. Made me believe in you. But all these for? All this so that you could get what you wanted! Here is 1 word for you! FUCK YOU! I would never trust you again. In fact i am not going to remember you at all! 2ndly being backstabbed. I have been backstabbed by my friends. Why would you spread that i am a lier, someone who use people. I dont use people for my own selfish needs! You my used-to-be-bro why would you do something like that? I trusted you! Sigh.. :'(  Lastly, being hurt. Yes i was hurt. Badly. To the extent that i almost cut myself. Sigh what is happening of me? I dont know... :( i just wish that this may, it would be better..

-InNeedOfThatSpecialSomeone
♥RaufNikoLoli♥

Read more »

What is wrong with me?

Sigh idk where to begin with. All i know is that my life sucks. Why is this happening to me?? I feel so unappreciated for whatever i do. Why am i even in this cruel world. I rather people kill me right now then to suffer this. Couldnt smile. I could only do fake smile. Sigh. :( Can this go away? I guess no. The one who can reveal my true smile is Marilyn. Really. She was the one who could cheer me up no matter what. I cant describe my feelings for her. I really want to be happy again. I just dont know how. Someone Please help me?? D: Save me from this trouble. I want to be able to smile like last time. I dont know how to be happy. Everyone is telling me to be happy but idk how. Sigh. I really pity my life. It just sucks. I think if i disappear forever, no one even cares. FML ttm seriously.

PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THIS FUCKED UP LIFE!

Read more »

Girls Please read this!

I don't get it why some girls like to make other girls suffer. I mean Are you all jealous of the other girls that you want to destroy their lives by making them miserable. I mean why do you even do this? Jealous? Come on. Everyone is born imperfect. None of you are perfect! Stop saying things about other girls. I am not siding anyone.This is my own observations. Please stop destroying other girls as they might start to do something stupid like suiciding. Come on. I know you hate them for something. Don't hate them to the extend of this. Some girls cannot think that well and they might do something stupid. Please. Stop doing this things. Its just not appropriate. And Please. Do not gossip about other girls or even spreading rumors. Its bad for you and the other girl. Like seriously. Stop this can girls? I don't want to see girls hurt. I want everyone to be happy. Just by stopping whatever you have done for that girl things can be changed. SO PLEASE! STOP HURTING OTHER GIRLS!

Read more »

This is for her~

No matter if you are sad or down, I will always be here, to see that beautiful smile of yours. I want you to be happy just as we both wished on 11.11 & 12.34. Never look down on yourself cause I will always here for you whenever you need me. Smile. Never be sad. Because there would always be someone who would(WILL) cheer you up no matter what :) Smiling is difficult but it is the most delicate thing in the world :) Never look down on yourself. Ignore what others say. And believe IN what your heart tells you to do. Trust your heart BEFORE TRUSTING others, as your heart is pure. FORGET all your negative emotions, REMEMBERING happy and loving memories with you. You can be happy as long as you leave those disastrous happenings away from you :) Never give up or lose hope on yourself as there might be others who might be impacted. Stay as what you are because you are unique. There IS ONLY ONE YOU IN THIS WORLD. :) You are special. So never give up on yourself as you would only lose yourself. Stay happy and people will love you. :) That's why i keep telling you to A.L.W.A.Y.S S.M.I.L.E. Cause nothing can replace happiness :)

These 2 drawings are from my best friend :) Its made for her <3 

Read more »

Giving up

Well lets talk about Giving Up. A few words to say before i continue. NEVER GIVE UP. Yes NEVER. GIVE. UP. Cause once you give up. Your are ruined. I personally had almost give up on every single thing. Until someone smsed me 1 very long text which i debated with myself not to give up. Eventually i never give up or lost hope. Cause if you work your best, the reward is inevitable. I almost give up on my life also ._. but before i do that i usually talk to my friends about it and they psycho me not to. I am glad having this friends who where there for me. Always have someone who is there for you 24/7. Someone who cares, love and trust you. Cause maybe this person who do this needs helps. Who knows? I was there for my friends who needed me the most. But only a few. No only like 2 or 3 who are there to return the favor. Sometimes i wonder if i am  even a good friend to them. I help everyone to get back on their feet only to get myself disappointed. Well this is getting out of topic. I want all those readers to NEVER GIVE UP. Cause there would be someone, somewhere that would be there for you :) 

Read more »

Everyone deserves 2nd chance

Well i am not going to talk about relationships or something. I am going to talk about Giving chances. Well, Personally i give people 2nd chance or maybe even more. I believe you should not judge on a person on a first-time-see-that-person basis Seriously. I mean don't you want to get 2nd chance all the time? The answer is obviously YES! So why judge on someone just on first impression? For me I don't do that. I believe in giving countless chance to make up their mistakes. Many people may classify me as 'Kind Hearted' But to me titles are just nothing without actions. Be it 'Kind Hearted' or 'Cold Blooded', everyone deserves a 2nd chance. So why bothering bringing someone's past up and hating that person for what he or she has said out of anger or whatsoever. Everyone deserves 2nd chance. Cause No one is PERFECT. Everyone is born with IMPERFECTIONS in one way or another. So give all those around 2nd chances for them to make up their past mistakes :) i am not pointing to anyone but i am just telling you all that we should give chances to people to make up for their mistakes :) 

Read more »

Idk what to say

Sigh. These few days, I have not been feeling well. I have no idea why. Sometimes i am just all moody and i will go around emoing for countless hours. I avoided a lot of people when i am emo. I thought to myself, maybe i should text her. Who knows maybe she could make me smile. Which she does last time. But. NO. I didnt smile. I couldn't even forge a fake smile. Whats wrong with me? I really have no idea. I am fine on the outside, but i am all empty with no feelings at all inside. I couldn't bring myself to smile. I watched funny videos and tried to make myself smile. Even that i couldn't even smile a single bit. What is this? I really don't hurt those around me when i am all emotional. That's why they see me as happy. Sigh... SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME SMILE! I want to be able to smile like last time. Not like now, all sad and emotional. Even typing this with no hope of someone would be reading this is painful. But at least i get to share how i feel inside of me. To the someone who read this blog post of mine, Hate me. So that i would feel more bad for myself. I am just another useless person in this world. KILL ME AND END MY LIFE QUICKLY.

Read more »

24th Feb

Well today is the 24th February and so far its quite ok. Lost a few friends due to some case. I dont want to even talk about them. Sometimes, you have to trust your BEST FRIENDS. And not others. Cause your best friends can turn the story around. For me, to make me smile, i would just text her. I dont know why but everytime we text, i would smile at her texts :) its like she got some sort of magic powers to make me smile no matter what the situation is, be it unhappy or whatsoever times. :) Well. Really some people are able to do that. Even when my BestFriends talk about her, i would always smile no matter what. Well its her common test this and next week. So i wish her ALL THE BEST FOR HER EXAMINATIONS! And dont worry, i would wake up at 4 or 5 just to accompany you although i might fall asleep at some points >.< But i would always text you everymorning to wish you all the best for your paper. JIAYOUS! ALL THE BEST!

-♥RaufNikoLoli

Read more »

19 feb 2012

Well its the 19th Feb. Things are not going the same as i thought. Everything i did sure will have mistakes. Well, Life is must have its Ups and Downs. I try to get those around me happy. They get happy but i would get hurt everytime i make someone happy. The only person who is able to make me smile is HER. Yes HER! Everytime i receive a text from her, i would feel, well, Happy. Not just happy, but Super happy. I don't know how to explain this feeling when you receive a text from someone you love. She always makes me smile no matter what situation i am in. I love her <3 and i will always do. I have no one else to love except her. I love other people as well. But often i get back-stabbed or betrayed. Well i really have nothing to say for this people. Bunch of useless people who make others hurt just for their own enjoyment. Well we do have feelings too. Unlike you backstabbers. I am not referring to anyone. But for those of you who want to backstab me. Backstab in front of my face so that i  know. Well i have nothing else to say about this people. Now i only love her and will protect her. If i have to get physical then i will get physical. I dont give a F*** if i get hurt. I only want her to be happy so that she can smile everyday. Well i really dont know what to update for now. But i will update soon :)

To that HER, I LOVE YOU ♥. Please be happy :) and remember that i will always be there for you whenever you need help ♥ :)  I will never leave you alone by yourself. You are always in my heart. No one can ever replace this. You are special to me ♥

Wo ai ni, Watashiwa anata o aishite, Saya cintakan kamu.

-♥ RaufNikololi.

Read more »

Well tomorrow is valentines day

Well tomorrow is valentines day and i am spending it alone. SIGH. *ForeverAlone* Well whats up with this valentines day? If you want to show your love to someone, You can just do it for the rest of the 364 days and not the 1 day. Well i know its a romantic day for a date or whatsoever. But seriously? 14Feb is just a day which is in the middle of February. So you waited 1 whole year just for 1 day where you can confess your love? Why not confessing it on a normal day? I simply do not understand. I am not against Valentines here. I support Valentines but to a certain extent. Well to those of you who read my blog and do not support me, then i wish you
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! 


Well this is a picture i made: Sorry for the bad quality >.<

Happy Valentines Day ♥

Read more »

OMG

Sigh, i cant believe it! I had to tell. I couldnt blame anyone but myself. Sorry but its not your fault. Its mine. I couldnt understand what you mean but now i know thanks to godwin. I respect your decision. So i just wanted to say,

  I AM SORRY IF I HURT YOU! 

Since its your decision i will abide to it. I cant say more here due to privacy reasons.  

Read more »

To '?'

To: "?"

You please dont talk big. You say this in the Cbox:  So what if you gangster? i wonder which girl want to be whacked by you. All girls love kind boys and obviously for you? i don't know ah.. i wonder who interesting will it be when your girl see this

Well i tell you something. She sees and you know what she said? Yes. YOU MY FRIEND "?", IS A LOSER! Yes. That was what she called you. LOSER! So i recommend you to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG! Seriously? Trying to lie?  john from temasek poly, a student from the psychology class..   Please la. John? Trying to lie to get yourself out of trouble? Please la. If you want to get out of trouble,

APOLOGIZE TO HER! 

then i may forgive you.

Read more »

Sigh Really??

Sigh. Promise. What are promise? Promise is when you tell the other party that you would do it no matter what. Well what happens when promise are broken? Sigh. I don't know. But once you have broken that promise, its going to be harsh for you. I know it. Its because I promised her that i would be there for her. But were was i when she needed me the most? Yes. GAMES! Playing game is slowly destroying me. I do not blame games for what i have done, but i should have stopped it long ago. Now its too late. I am a perfectionist. Yes i cant take failures. What i have just done is considered a FAILURE! When i fail, i do not forgive myself for doing it. I am also the person who do things at all cost to correct that mistake.

I AM SORRY!


Sigh.

Read more »

Happy Birthday my sister

Yes today is my Little sister, Amira's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMIRA! haha. Today is your day and enjoy~ JUSTINENOOB! haha! I still owe you 25m for your birthday so yea. i will give it to you when i can :) haha at last, Happy birthday :D

Read more »

Some facts.

Ok some random facts about me.
1. I hate people who criticize others when they are jealous.
2. I hate people who piss me off when i am not in the mood.
3. I care for the ones around me. Especially those who i love the most.
4. I respect people who respect me.
5. I love making MMV ( Maple Music Video)
6. I love to cook ♥
7. I am a maple freak.
8. I may be my Alliance leader. But i do not think i lead correctly.
9. I am unsure of my leadership capabilities.
10. I love going out.
11. I have no idea why i am doing this.
12. I am out of here! CYA!

Read more »

Please

I know some of you read my blog. But please. You may comment anything you want. Just not to the point of hurting people. I know that cause recently there is 1 person who is using my name to criticizing  her. Seriously. What is the matter with you? Using MY name and criticizing her? You dont dare to show your name? Please. If you want to criticize her USE YOUR OWN NAME! You telling me you scared? Then why you criticize her in the first place? Yes. The fact you  used my name already flared me up. But CRITICIZING HER? Please la. That beyond what i can withstand. And now you don't dare to reply me? Grow up please. Stop criticizing her. Because for all you know someone is looking for you. Feeling guilty? Then admit and we might even give you a second chance. Please dont criticize her.

Read more »

Happy birthday mei

Well today was quite surprising as i didnt know that today is my maple Mei's birthday. Happy Birthday x33Eggy33x.  From Niko KorKor. :D Well i really did not know what to get for my mei as she last min told me >.< so i went to get her Pole Arm for attk 10% x5 for her :) though i promised to get her Equipment Enhancement scroll :) Well thats all for now? i guess? haha

Read more »

hehex

Well these days are quite ok(?) i guess. Well i was quite busy with my room and forgot to post my previous post so yea i forgot to publish it until Andy told me about my blog. Haha. Well, lets see.... Well yesterday she wasnt feeling quite ok. To be factual, Troubled is more of the word. I detect this with how she replied me with her sms and the duration. I take note of all these so with these things going on, i began to worry for her. I was so engrossed with thinking that anyone disturbs be got shouted at. Haha funny i guess. Well, with all those in my head, i had to finish my MMV to cheer her up :) so without her chatting with me, it feels weird and in the beginning i had no motivation. Despite the motivation came in after i had completed the MMV, it felt good. And straight away after uploading the Video into Youtube, I texted her to cheer up and i have posted the MMV. She was shock to see that i knew she was troubled or something so i assured her that i would be there for her when she needs someone ♥ :) Well after that she told me that she was okay and i believed her. Not that anything people say i would believe them, I trust everyone. For those who i care even more, I trust them to the fullest. Well enough talk for today :) Going to start on my valentines special MMV :) until then~

Read more »

Lets see how to start. Hmm. Well these days kinda feeling sick and she keep ask me to rest. Awww ♥. Who's that girl you might ask? Well its the same girl that i mentioned in my previous blog post ♥. Haha. Well since i was sick i decided to make some Music Video for Her ♥. And i managed to make 1 vid for her within 1 day. So yea. My videos are not so fantastic but i took all my heart and soul into that music video. Currently i am making 2 music video. So its going to take 1 week to do it. Well if you want you can check my Youtube Channel. Its not so nice as the others but like what they said, Practice makes perfect :) and i know she would be waiting for my music video. I might even make a cover video singing >.< although i might not even sing well >.<

Read more »

23rd January 2012

Well 23 January 2012 was a special day. Yes its Chinese New Year. But its also Her birthday :) Yes its MARILYN'S BIRTHDAY! Happy Birthday <3 It started well with my plans to 'Pei' (accompany) her throughout the whole day. One of my agenda was to: Be the FIRST and the LAST person to wish her Happy Birthday. Well i did everything to do it. Including setting my alarm clock to 2359 hours on the 22nd December and 0000hours on the 23rd December. I prepared everything early. Facebook, SMS, Twitter and even FB Group. I was so excited that i keep looking at the time. Even my parents noticed that. But they don't care me. When my alarm clock rang the 2nd time, as quick as lightning i press on my BlackBerry ( which was lagging) the send button, post wall button as well as tweet buttons. It was what i could do. I thought of giving her a call to wish her. But since it was late i decided not to. Then everything was as per normal and I promised her to pei her the whole night. I kind of did that. But she dozed off at 0045 which was the time she usually sleeps. So i stayed up the whole night till about 6am where i rested my head and accidentally dozed off -.- She smsed me at  0556 (which i didnt realized) and slept till 11. Everything was ok and we SMSed each other starting at about 11+. But i received some Bad News that i had to go to Malaysia and i was SHOCKED AND STUNNED FOR A WHOLE MINUTE. I then told her that i need to go to malaysia and she was disappointed. I could tell that. So i made a promise with her that i would sms her even if i could get even a single bar of signal. So the whole malaysia trip i was looking to and fro on my phone trying to get a signal. Everytime i got one, i lost it the next second. I was so disappointed the whole trip. But i hid my feelings so that my parents would not suspect a single thing. I keep saying "wo yao chi hui jia" ( I want to go home) My sis call me crazy -.-"" so yeah, i withstand the whole trip and when we reach a particular restraunt called 'Singgah Selalu' i got a signal that i could maintain. So the next second i SMSed her and she was happy. So we chatted till i had to go to prepare to go back to Singapore. When i reached Singapore, i text her and we happily chatted with each other. I then 'pei' her till she fell asleep. When clock reaches 1158 today, i called her. But sadly she rejected my call as she was on the phone. So i just texted her just to complete my Important agenda. Which was to be the FIRST and the LAST to wish her. After that we chatted for awhile and then she dozed off from tiredness from her Chinese New Year visits.

And to the rest of you reading this post, Happy Chinese New Year <3
-RaufNikoLoli <3

Read more »

Life

Life is not always perfect in many ways. Yet there are perfectionist who wants life to be perfect. Such a example is ME. Yes ME. I admit i am a perfectionist. I usually wants life to be my way. But somehow or rather, i cant get thing my way. And yes. I have sensitive feelings. Whenever people 'pokes' me, i feel as though they are serious! And my 1 most hated part of me is JEALOUSY. I get Jealous easily. Whenever i reached this part of the topic. I dont really like to talk about it. And yes. I am moody most of the times, so dont try to tick me off just on purpose. The consequences are bad.

Read more »

Is It true?

Sometime i wonder to myself. Is it true that people came from single-sex schools would find it hard to get themselves into relationships? I mean i came from a all-boys-school and i found it true. I dont know about the rest. But based on my experiences in LIFE, i find it hard to talk to girls in Real Life. I can talk to girls by com easily. BUT REAL LIFE? I cant. Whenever i talk to them, i would freeze up. Even passing them something like a birthday present to my ex-crush(?) it took me all my courage to pass it to her. I dont really know if this is really true ._. HOW TO CHANGE THIS? people say its easy. But for me its VERY DIFFICULT! Sigh. i just want to change this. Help me :(

Read more »

O level results ._.

Ok. Frankly i failed my o levels with 29 points. NOT BAD! well i don't bother to retake as i have no stamina for any retakes. So i am going to ITE and aim for a PERFECT GPA of 4 points and get recommended to Poly. Some of you may ask, why i dont feel sad? Its because i am thinking positive. And i promised my mei not to emo. So ya. I keep my promise to her <3 .  Well i chose Game development in ITE so good luck for me!

Read more »

1 game i would like to recommend.

Well there is 1 game i would like to recommend for those of you who are slackers / just bored with a certain game. Well i would like to recommend you to Gkart! here is the link: Gkart ♥. But if you want, you can download the Garena Plus first. After you have Downloaded it, install it. If you have successfully installed it, Register it and play it ( for those who used Gkart Website to download it). For those who used the Garena Plus, click on the Gkart button at the side and download it also. After that, run the game. Once you have run the game, you can follow the on screen instructions for tutorials and make your charters. Don't forget to add me inside Garena Plus. My ID: xiaorauf. That's all :D

-RaufNikololi ♥

Read more »

Sigh Monday is coming ._.

Well for all o level students (2011 batch) the time is up. This Monday is the time where we know our results. Prey to whichever god you believe in to get you good results! I am hoping for at least 20 points so that i can go in Temasek Polytechnic. Well Good luck guys! Jiayous!

Read more »

OMG O LEVELS!

OMG the o level results are just next Monday! OHNO! i am so nervous for the results. i hope i can just go to poly! A lot of people are counting on me to go to poly espically my MeiMei x33Eggy33x. She is so cute! Not only her, my Guild, NoLicence and my Alliance, Interceptor are counting on me. Not forgetting my family, friends and bestfriends who supports me all these while! *phew* i really hope i can go in Poly! Jiayous everyone! Lastly, some maple pics! Request are available for any event!

Read more »

sigh

When was the last time i edited this blog? its seemed forever ._. can you all tell me what to update on my blog? like seriously!

Read more »

1 picture i uploaded

lols using for my CCA presentation~ :)

how i wish i can use my jiejie name

so that she can scold me LOL!

Read more »